Kanojo Mo Kanojo: Unrealized Potential

Introduction and Synopsis

Kanojo mo Kanojo (or Girlfriend, Girlfriend) is a 12 episode anime that was released in the Summer 2021 season. It was made by Tezuka Productions, directed by Satoshi Kuwabara, and is based on a manga by Hiroyuki.

The show is centered around Naoya Mukai, a boy who has finally started to date his childhood friend Saki Saki after years of him pursuing her. However, another first year student, Nagisa Minase, confesses to Naoya. She is so dedicated to the confession that she takes a break from school to learn how to cook and work on her physique in order to make her chances better. Naoya is put in the position to choose between the two girls; but rather than pick one or the other, he comes up with the idea to date both Saki and Nagisa. Nagisa is on board, but Saki agrees more reluctantly (persuaded in no small part by Nagisa's excellent cooking). In classic anime fashion, the parents of the main character happen to be away, so all three move in together and start to work out their relationship while trying to keep it a secret from the rest of the school. Pretty soon another girl, Rika Hoshizaki, enters the picture. She is a popular gaming YouTuber that is known for having lewd thumbnails, but her identity is not known at school. The polycule [1] and Rika discover each other's secrets, and in the process of the interaction Rika becomes romantically interested in Naoya. While admitting he does find her attractive, Naoya rejects her in order to focus on Saki and Nagisa. Rika does not take no for an answer and begins camping out at the polycule house in an attempt to convince Naoya. She spends the rest of the first season pursuing him to no avail. At some point Shino Kiryuu, Nagisa's best friend, discovers the nature of the relationship and is skeptical about the arrangement. The season ends off with the polycule and Shino having a conversation about things, and Shino announcing her commitment to making sure Saki is Naoya's only girlfriend.

Overall, the show has plenty of deeply problematic features, but also a lot of really great latent features as well. In the rest of the review, I will address some of the features, both positive and negative, that stuck out to me the most.

Representation

First things first: this show is relatively novel [2] for the depiction of an actual polyamorous relationship, departing from the standard harem trope. That certainly isn't to say it is great representation by any means, as I will get to soon enough, but I do think it deserves some credit for at least minimally breaking away. Watching the first episode actually made me a little giddy seeing the characters be open and honest about their feelings for each other. It was messy and exciting and there were a lot of great emotions on display. Unfortunately, this excitement did not last too long in the face of the myriad issues on display throughout the rest of the show.

Male Gaze

Despite breaking anime tropes in some ways, the prevalence of the male gaze is absolutely not one of the standard features that is subverted. Female characters are constantly sexualized by the camera and put in compromising situations. It goes without saying that the male protagonist is not subjected to the same treatment. Female characters will also be flirty or focused on one another in ways that are designed to appeal to a male audience. For example, female characters are feeling inadequate about or constantly comparing breast sizes and this is used as a way to focus the story and the camera. The feelings of inadequacy themselves could be interesting points of conflict for the characters to work together to overcome in theory, but in practice it is clear this only really exists for the purpose of fan-service. This is off-putting, but not surprising if you're familiar with anime in general.

Allonormativity and Amatonormativity

Building off this point of sexualization, much of the character motivations are around sex. Which, of course, is not inherently a problem, especially when depicting relatively intimate relationship dynamics. However, sexuality is not treated like a mutually enjoyable activity, but rather as some signifier of the seriousness of the relationship. Furthermore, it is treated as an expected and essential trait of all humans, particularly in the context of a "romantic" relationship. None of the characters really feel all that interested in sex for its own sake, and rather just use seduction as a tool to assert possession over each other. Who will be the first to kiss Naoya? How can I be sexually appealing so he focuses on me instead of other girls? This is a pretty terrible way to approach sexuality.

Again, there might be potential here as well with the basic premise of dealing with internalized amatonormativity, namely the assumption that the addition of a sexual element to a relationship automatically confers higher significance to the relationship. Untangling this assumption and working out those feelings could be a compelling point of departure for the conflict of an episode. Instead though, the show doesn't really challenge any of these premises and only abstains from becoming more of an ecchi or hentai by saying that it wouldn't be "fair" to the other girlfriend.

"Fairness", "Equality", and Other Delusions

A consistent central feature of Kanojo mo Kanojo's character motivations is that of "fairness" or "equality". For example, Naoya rejects Saki's sexual advances because this would be "unfair" to Nagisa. Naoya wants to make sure that both of his girlfriends feel fulfilled in the relationship they have with him, and this is interpreted as requiring "equal" treatment.

There are several problems with this. First of all, the idea of absolute equality is incoherent. People are not identical, relationships are not identical, and can in no way ever be considered to be completely equal. Raymond Geuss summarizes Marx's view on equality thusly: "The social project of enforcing 'equality' always in practice means enforcing equality in some one specific dimension, at the cost of increasing inequality along some other dimension." [3]. Naoya's ideal is impossible to achieve and using equality as a guiding bedrock principle can only lead to confusion.

If that point seems too theoretical, there are pragmatic and real implementation issues that result from this confusion. "Each of our relationships is different, not all have the same intensity or hold the same place in our heart and that’s okay – flattening our relations into a false homogeneity only leads us to deceive ourselves." [4]. For a concrete case from the show, why couldn't the characters pursue the sexual elements of their respective relationship at their own pace? The anime's answer to the question is that it would induce jealousy in the other girlfriend.

Jealousy and Possessiveness

But this answer prematurely halts its inquiry. It should interrogate further: Is the action causally responsible for the jealousy the problem, or is the feeling of jealousy the problem? Contrary to the anime's answer of the former, Emma Goldman answers with the latter: "Two people bound by inner harmony and oneness are not afraid to impair their mutual confidence and security if one or the other has outside attractions." [5]. Jealousy is the result of a relationship that is lacking in confidence combined with individual insecurity. Overcoming these feelings can be met with compassion and care, but it will involve individual and collaborative effort. The reaction of jealousy is potentially very understandable, but should not just be bowed down to as the final determinant of action that hinders the proliferation of love or intimacy [6].

Artificial Scarcity and Competition

Kanojo mo Kanojo relies on a fundamental misunderstanding about the nature of love. It erroneously endorses the idea that love is a finite resource that must be competed over. Saki, Nagisa, and Rika, are constantly bickering with one another and scheming to be Naoya's one true love, or failing that, his primary partner while the other girls have secondary status. Even Nagisa, the most passive of the bunch, doesn't reject this framework, and is just less directly combative. The women in the anime all have the same desire for the majority of Naoya's love, despite it manifesting in different ways. Naoya's repeated rejection of Rika is based on the same misunderstanding of love: that he can't be romantically involved with her as well because this would diminish the amount of love available for Saki and Nagasi.

But wait: if I am critical of approaches that center equality and of approaches that center hierarchy, what else is left? Relationship anarchy. "Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. You have the capacity to love more than one person, and one relationship and the love felt for that person does not diminish love felt for another." [7]. We can recognize and explore the uniqueness of each relationship without deciding on some rank ordering, much less some non-transient rank ordering. One of my favorite texts on relationship anarchy is worth quoting at length on this topic:

"Oftentimes, anarchists like to fool themselves into thinking they have escaped the clutches of the Couple by proliferating its logic – polyamory is taken for free love. We disagree. This framework leaves the form of the Couple intact and creates an entire economy of energy and affection to manage it. Polyamory is neoliberal monogamy. Countless rebranded models have emerged, desperate to adapt the logic of intimate control to the queer free market by suggesting that we can find liberation by expanding our spheres of control and domination. The “primary partner”, with their “secondaries” is an easy hierarchy to critique, but the fundamental logic of polyamory is that we each have a finite quantity of energy (i.e. love) that is to be meted out according to negotiations within the respective couple units. We are all managers in the worker co-op of love! The idea that another’s jealousy can be addressed by managing my relation with someone else is a convenient way to avoid facing the fear of death and abandonment we all struggle with due to the artificial scarcity and very real isolation of society." [8].

"Faced with the social impetus to understand our relations within an economy of scarcity and negotiate austerity measures, we can instead extend an anarchist idea of social expansiveness. Giving love freely actually expands our heart and our capacity for loving others. If we are always in relation with everything around us, what is a Couple? It is a container that takes something alive that is fluid and in constant change and objectifies, freezes it. This is relevant to how we think about anarchy as well – as soon as our relations, our love, our struggle, becomes quantified, we’re walking dead."[9].

Because relationships cannot be equal, they cannot be comparatively evaluated in their totalities; and even then it is not at all clear that the comparative evaluation can be quantifiable. What counts as "more" sexual or romantic intimacy? Could similar types of interaction carry different significance for different relationships? For that matter, are our notions of what constitutes sexuality and romance even very clear at all? Even assuming you could get past these issues: at best, you might be able to violently isolate one feature of the relationship at one particular time and compare it to another violent isolation ripped from its context. Why would you want to do this? What are the psychological and material factors that lead to this anxiety, and are those motivations really fostering more fulfilling relationships for those with whom we are connected?

Needs More Gay

Winding down from the theory heavy section of this review, I'd like to return to the more concrete aspects of the Kanojo mo Kanojo. I actually think that many of the problems I have raised would be somewhat ameliorated if the show didn't exclusively use romantic/sexual tension between female characters for yuri fan-service for a male audience [10]. There were a few points in the anime where Saki and Nagisa had lovely moments of connection and care for one another. If the author would stop being a coward that relationship could have been an incredibly compelling focal point, and there would me much less need to resort to petty drama and wacky scenarios to keep the plot rolling. The dynamic itself is interesting! Just play with the characters a little more and let them branch out and explore themselves and their connections. Let them be an actual polycule instead of a pseudo-harem!

This would also radically shift the focus of the show away from being entirely about Naoya. This is one of the main problems with a romantic/platonic divide in the first place: if you aren't someone's romantic partner, that relationship is seen as less significant. Saki putting Naoya on a pedestal and degrading the importance of her relationship to Nagisa is a great disservice to everyone involved. So to be clear I am not saying that the show would have been better if Saki and Nagisa fell in love and started dating as well. I am saying that even establishing clear boundaries around what counts as love or ossifying the relationship into a particular model is already the wrong starting place, and that the characters with radically different foundations could have similar interactions with much more fulfilling bonds and a more compelling plot.

Some Good (If Imperfect) Moments

With all of these critiques in mind, there were actually a fair amount of interesting and fun moments in the show. With some extension, further exploration, and better philosophical approach these could be really cool depictions of interesting relationship dynamics!

Nagasi was by far my favorite character in terms of her general approach to her relationships. In episode 2 she has a moment of self-reflection where she accepts the possibility that the relationship could be transient, but that she would enjoy what time she did have. Really fantastic. Another thing she would consistently do is undermine the competitive structure of the show by communicating with Saki and trying to make sure she was happy. Now to be clear a lot of these great isolated moments are ultimately motivated by pretty poor reasons, and seeing herself as second best and not deserving; but still there are enough good moments that are relatively mature that it was refreshing to see.

Another thing that I liked came in the conclusion of episode 4 where Naoya's approach to absolute subservience was explicitly challenged. This is a pretty pernicious approach to relationships and can pass as being considerate and caring when in reality it is anything but. Unfortunately, it wasn't a very elaborated criticism and Naoya was back to doing similar types of things in the next few episodes anyway.

One small moment I thought was cute in episode 7 was the short little return-from-commercial-break one-liner where Saki's mom was shopping for sexy outfits for Saki to impress Naoya. Now don't get me wrong, the whole previous scene was a mess; I talked about the allonormativity of the show and here it was on full display. However, I do think there is something to be gleaned here that would be interesting to explore (in obviously very different circumstances): that being older adult characters providing guidance, assistance, and support for younger characters in their relationships. I think the reason this example stuck out to me so much was because it was the mother affirming her daughter's sexuality whereas a lot of the time there is a great deal of moral panic around teenagers being sexually active or expressive. While I do think the characters working out things themselves is more compelling most of the time, getting help from compassionate characters with more years under their belt could be an interesting thing to explore. Hopefully the hinted at encounter between Naoya and Saki's mother digs into this a bit.

One final moment I appreciated that also appeared in episode 7 was Nagisa's slip-up of saying "master" at dinner. Now I don't mean to defend the "master" bit or the scenes leading up to it [11], I just think the scenario demonstrates something important. Saki is not supposed to know about this roleplay they did, and Naoya and Nagasi end up keeping it a secret and everyone is able to move on when Saki chalks it up to her mishearing. I think this illustrates an important point within poly relationships: communication is not an uncomplicated good! Oftentimes you will hear people express a sentiment that communication is always a good thing and that being completely transparent is necessary for a functional polycule. I totally disagree. Even if I wasn't deeply suspicious about the possibility of "transparency" or "authenticity", it is still a contextual decision whether or not it is a good idea to share information. And sometimes, it is none of the other persons' business! There is no obligation to communicate in every instance always, communication just happens to frequently be a pretty good general strategy at keeping everyone on the same page and in the loop [12]. I appreciated an illustration of this in action, particularly because it was related to something potentially interpretable as an "unequal" sexual interation, so in that way by not making it known to Saki they were allowing themselves to pursue things at a pace that worked for them. It was a very minor interaction that was mostly a gag that I'm likely reading too much into, but I valued its inclusion.

So Much Potential

Overall, watching Kanojo mo Kanojo just really made me hunger for a more mature treatment of polyamory in anime. There were so many moments that got me very excited, and with a slightly more enlightened philosophical basis could produce something truly special. My wishlist would include a few of the following things. Firstly, a more sustained treatment of common relationship ideologies and their limitations. I hope I didn't come across in this piece like I am just wanting a conflict free story with pure characters that do no wrong, because I think some of the most fascinating situations can arise when characters are struggling through unlearning and revising how they approach their relationships. Secondly, a greater focus on the difficulties of social navigation in a world that is hostile to your relationship model. Less self-deprecating "two-timing" jabs and having Nagisa be ostracized, more solidarity and working together as a polycule to confront the judgement of others. Great opportunity to bring characters together to solve a problem rather than exclusively having conflict amongst themselves. Thirdly, it would be great to see more fleshed out one-on-one interactions. Just because you're in a polycule doesn't mean you have to always all be together, and the format of one to one conversations allow for more depth of communication and character development. Lastly, and arguably most importantly, more focus on the mundane would be fantastic. The author doesn't need to set up elaborate or wacky situations to make the story compelling; the premise is interesting enough! I am personally more interested in the interpersonal dynamics and the changes that can occur, and I think there is more than enough depth to keep things compelling if a few of the limiting factors I've mentioned throughout this review are discarded.

In any case, I am still looking forward to season 2 and will watch it when it releases. I can't wait to be disappointed when all of the frustrations I mentioned here remain in place.